Thursday, December 24, 2009

2010 Wish List





2010 is the most important year for the world since 2009. Below is a list of how I would like things to be in this very important year:



AIR TRAVEL

I'd like to see pilots required to sit in the same kind of seats as passengers. That way, we'd be assured that no pilot would ever fall asleep during the flight.


POLITICS

At least one Republican should vote for a bill sponsored by a Democrat, and at least one Democrat should vote for a bill sponsored by a Republican.

No politician should be allowed to say, "I'm shocked that this issue has become so politicized."

Once a month, the President should remind the American public how fighting in a particular country will make us safer. That way, nobody will turn to the person next to them every once in a while and ask, "I forgot. Why are we over there?"


FASHION


An ordinance should be passed demanding that shoes should feel the same when you get them home as they do in the store.


COMPUTERS


Computer manufacturers should make sure that computers work right when you get them out of the box and plug them in.

When computers don't work, they should respond when you yell at them.


CELL PHONES


When entering a restaurant, people should be required to check their cell phones at the door the way cowboys had to check their guns.


MOVIES


At least one movie should be made by each studio that doesn't involve time travel.

A law should be passed stating that if people behind you talk during a movie, they should be banished to the lobby and forced to sit one in front of the other as they continue their conversation.


CELEBRITY WATCHING


I wish that everybody would spend more time worrying about their own families than about those of actors, golfers, or former governors of Alaska.

I assume that next year there will be a mother who gives birth to nine babies. My wish is that this "nonomom" will get zero publicity.



MAGAZINES


Somebody should pass a law outlawing magazines that smell more like perfume than a perfume counter.


MEDICINE


I wish that medical experts would get together before issuing conflicting advice to the public.

If a doctor has a magazine in his waiting room that is more than six months old, you shouldn't have to pay for your visit.



ELECTRONICS

Every computer, cell phone, camera, audio device, etc. should come with a manual that you can actually hold in your hands.


TELEVISION


There should be a graphic superimposed over every news show saying, "News" so we can tell that it's supposed to be a news show.

No political commentator should be allowed to spend more time criticizing a commentator on a different network than on discussing the issues.

I hope a law is finally passed to outlaw the contestant interviews in the middle of "Jeopardy."


PUBLIC FACILITIES


I wish that restaurant bathrooms would stop having cutesy pictures on their doors to indicate which sex they're for. Let's get rid of the sometimes confusing drawings and just label them all "Men" or "Women."


ECONOMICS


Let's go for a whole year without "experts" pretending that anybody really knows why the stock market goes up or down.


SPORTS


Let's go for a whole year, okay, a whole week without a big-time athlete being arrested.

I'd like to see Brett Favre finally retire. No, maybe he shouldn't. Oh, okay. He should.



DOG BREEDING

To those clever men and women who have mixed and created breeds such as Labradoodles (a Lab and a poodle mix), Jugs (a Jack Russell and a Pug), Peke-A-Teses (a Maltese and a Pekingese), and others, please slow down. Give it some real thought before you go ahead with more creations. I mean, does anybody really want to see a Great Dane-ahuahua?


Have a good year.





3 comments:

  1. Lloyd:

    Happy Holidays to you and your family. Keep up the work you do..it's alot of fun.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours. Your column is a breath of fresh air on this computer so hang in there and keep on keepin' on for those of us who want to try and remain sane.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dude, you're way past hallucinating. More likely its an alternate reality where you are! But g/l with that all the same.

    ReplyDelete

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