Civilization
as we know it is just about to come to an end. I came across a new
piece of evidence of this just last week. At the Passover Seder I
attended, guests actually had the option of regular or gluten-free
matzos. Let me repeat that phrase: "gluten-free matzos." For thousands
of years, Jews have been able to eat regular matzos without there being a
problem. I don't believe that any medical study has determined that the
incidence of gluten related digestive problems spikes every Passover.
However, now that it's 2012, there has to be gluten-free matzos. I guess
soon we'll be reading in a new version of the Bible that Moses led his
flock to the Red Sea and said, "Okay, everybody stop. If you're
gluten-sensitive, remove that unleavened bread from your backs and
return to slavery in Egypt. For the rest of you, have I got a surprise
about what I'm going to do with this Red Sea."
In
case you're wondering, yes, there was a person at the dinner who was
lactose intolerant. We're used to that. On the other hand, Gluten
intolerance is relatively new to us. A while back, hypoglycemia was all
the rage. What happened to that? Did all the hypoglycemiacs disappear?
Don't
get me wrong. I have complete compassion for people with medical
problems who require a special diet. I'm thrilled that a change in diet
can be a lifesaver for them. Gluten is a protein in wheat and some other
grains that certain people just can't tolerate. For them, it can be
very dangerous to eat foods that contain gluten.
However,
in addition to those who actually suffer from dietary conditions, I
have a sneaky suspicion that there are a whole bunch of people who
suffer from the condition that I'll call, "Hey, maybe I have that."
So,
there are two distinct groups of people. One group consists of those
who have had medical tests and/or their doctors have told them that they
have some food intolerance. The other group consists of people who
think they have this condition because their cousin told them they do,
or because they read about it in a book that was on a shelf next to a
book like, "Eat Watermelon for a Month and Get Taller."
A
particularly annoying feature of those in Group Two is that they talk
loudly and incessantly about their alleged condition. I'm pretty sure
that those who really have dietary problems don't shout about them in
restaurants or monopolize the conversation by talking about them at
dinner parties.
Those
who would take umbrage from my saying that they might suffer from "Hey,
maybe I have that," may say that if they don't really have that
condition, why do they feel better on their lactose-, gluten-, or
whatever-free diets? The simple answer is that they are probably eating
healthier now. Maybe they've eliminated a great deal of junk or
fattening foods. Even if it is based on an illusion, eating better is a
good thing. I'm happy that they're getting healthier. Just stop talking
about it.
I'm
really tired of hearing a waiter tell me a restaurant's specials and
have him say things like their cream of mushroom soup is dairy free. In
addition, I certainly don't want to know what artificial ingredient
(that we'll soon learn is dangerous) has replaced milk in that soup.
It's
gotten completely out of control. There is actually a website called
testyourintoleranceusa.com. For a mere eighty-five dollars, they will
test you for 600 food and non-food intolerances. Of course, they won't
test you for an intolerance to all of these intolerances.
To send this column to a friend, click the envelope. 
Its pretty amazing that the Human race has actually survived this long, what with all these trendy conditions.
ReplyDeleteKnowledge is power. Knowledge of food additives is good news. That being said, I'm sure the ones that claim their possible afflictions are just "trendy" - next week they will be "wine free" because of the tanins in wine, coffee free -because..... the list can go on. I love those that eat all kinds of fatty foods, have a sumptous dessert and order "diet" cola or put Sweet n low in their coffee (to avoid sugar!). It's fun to watch what people eat whenever they think they are eating healthy. The diet sodas are worse for you with all those chemical additives.
ReplyDeleteI suffer from a condition called "I'll eat what ever the hell I want, so get out of my face syndrome"...I'm not skinny or fat, just an average 62 year old man who is healthy. People can do what they want with their diets...please just leave me and what I eat out of the conversation. Now, it's time for some matzos, cream of mushroom soup, watermelon, a fattening dessert, diet soda, glass of red wine and coffee with a scoop of real sugar in it...lol.....
ReplyDeleteWhere have you been?
ReplyDeleteTruth to tell, I missed your diatribes, and welcome them back. This one was RIGHT ON, but you should mention that most of those who have these problems are looney-tune liberals, of whom Doctor Lassiter has written, with proof, that they are quite assuredly NUTS, as in CERTIFIABLY INSANE (See his book on the subject).
Dick Janes
Las Vegas
Hi Lloyd, I'm sensitive to dietary restrictions based on religious or legitimate health concerns.However,I no longer provide a forum for those who feel food is the enemy.My last dinner party included a neighbor who apparently eats only organic lettuce and room temperature bottled water. Her breast implants weigh more than the rest of her.I now am very careful who comes to our table and allow guests to serve themselves from a variety of dishes.
ReplyDelete